Old habits die hard, but eventually they do actually die.

This afternoon, I was getting d'anjou out of his carseat and I noticed Mini-Pear's white karate Gi crumpled on the back seat.  She has class later on this evening.

I sort of tutted and drew in a deepish breath - the sort of deepish breath one might need in advance of a Nag Attack.  One might start with something like, "How many times have I told you not to just chuck your Gi on the back seat like this?"  or "Look at the state your uniform is in!" 

I say "start", because a Nag Attack is not, in its nature, short.  Twenty minutes later, the relentless, one-sided conversation would have ranged from crumpled uniforms to how you hardly even remember what her bedroom floor looks like, and by the way, when's the last time you brushed your hair and didn't you tell me you'd clean off your desk last week?

But I caught myself and the tutt-ish deep breath actually morphed into what might best be described as a self-deprecating chuckle, because whose brown shirt was that crumpled up just next to the karate Gi?  Uh, that would be mine.  I thought I might need it the other day, but I didn't and there it remains.  It was clean, but now it's all wrinkly and the baby's drooled on it and I'm going to have to wash it all over again.  And since she doesn't like Mars bars, that would be my cast off wrapper stuffed in between the seat and the hand brake, sticky caramel side up.

So instead of launching into what would surely have ruined a perfectly good afternoon, I stopped short of unbuckling the boy and picked up the Gi pants and gave them a good hard shake, "I probably should have washed these after your last class.  Oh well.  Do you think if I just brush them off and fold them loosely they will be in good enough shape for class tonight?"

And Mini-Pear looked over her shoulder, "Yeah.  I think that's fine."  Afternoon rescued.  No harm done.  No resentments built up. 

Over the last week or so, I've noticed how much the things I want to change around me, are actually things I want to change within me.  How many years now have I read or listened to variations on this theme and nodded emphatically, and promptly forgotten about it?

I guess I should just be thankful it's happening at all.

That is one thick skull wrapped around my grey matter.

Comments

[beachbum]

love this post...and it is so real for me. I'll try to get to that same place you have found...eventually.